Day 19

Post a picture and a letter...

I wasn't quite sure what this one meant. A picture of someone and a letter that person wrote to me? A picture of someone and a letter I wrote to them? I suppose it's whatever I want it to mean. So I choose a picture of someone and a letter that I have not yet written to them.

This will be my third post about my new niece, but what can I say? I am head over heels for her!



Dear Little Arwen,

You are so beautiful and I am overjoyed that I got to spend a whole week holding you, playing with you and being delighted over your darling features and adorable facial expressions. For the two weeks after you were born, and before I met you, I was a little nervous about seeing you for the first time. I didn't know how to be an aunt! How was I supposed to react and what was I supposed to say when I held for the first time the first baby of my sister to whom I am incredibly close and whom I have never known as a mother? But all these questions didn't matter anymore when your mama placed you in my arms. It didn't matter if I knew how to be an aunt; what mattered was that I immediately loved you so much and that I was going to be part of your life.

As you grow up, there will be lots of good times, but some hard times too. Sometimes you will want to give up what you're doing and sometimes you'll question who you are and where you should be, but no matter what, just know that there will always be people who will love you. Your mother, who has been an amazing mommy to you from the beginning, your daddy, who takes to having a daughter so naturally, your grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, friends, etc. etc., and me! I promise to be someone you can trust and rely on, and come to when Mom is being too strict ;)

For now, just work on growing bigger and healthier; you will probably look so different when I see you next. Savor this time when you don't have to worry about things. I will see you in May, precious Arwen.

I love you with all my heart,
Auntie Erika

Day 18

Post a picture of your biggest insecurity...



This one was tricky. I wasn't quite sure what my biggest insecurity was, and how I would post a picture of it. Then when I was working on my three papers that are due soon for school, it hit me: success. Not really success itself though; I don't necessarily fear being successful (actually I take that back...in some ways I do. It's hard to explain). But the road to success is what I'm insecure about. And I'm not entirely sure why. I've done really well in college, was accepted to the graduate program that I'm in within days of applying, found out that I was the top choice of the department for being a graduate TA, and so far have gotten A's in everything I've done in grad school. This all isn't to brag (honestly!), but to explain why it's weird that I am insecure about these kinds of things. I have surprisingly little faith in myself when it comes to succeeding and have far too many episodes that consist of "I'm going to fail this paper", "I want to drop out of grad school!" and "I'm going to disappoint [insert any of my professors here]". I think part of the reason for this insecurity is that I never pictured myself going to graduate school. It all happened very quickly; my adviser practically forced me to apply, then forced me to apply for the assistantship, then a few days later I was accepted to graduate school, then a couple weeks after that I was offered the job. I also didn't picture myself doing original research, and here I am beginning my thesis quest. This may not make sense to those reading this, but it's not really even failure that I'm insecure about. Like I said, it's the road to success and the idea that I can't handle it.

Day 17

Post a picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently...






Okay I cheated again and posted two pictures. I couldn't decide, as always. The first photo is of my new niece, Arwen. My sister and her husband welcomed their first child into this world two weeks ago today. As I was in Las Cruces and had so much to do for school and work, I was unable to come up and see her until yesterday, and I'll be here all week for spring break. This tiny baby has had a huge impact on our whole family. You'd be surprised at how much you can calm down and let go of burdens and stress once you have a tiny baby curled up on your chest.

The second photo is of most of my colleagues and I at a bowling party for a birthday. Grad school has also had a huge impact on my life since I entered it last August. It is so much different than undergrad school. I am surrounded by people who are way more in the same boat as me than I've ever felt anyone be...did that sentence make sense? Especially with my fellow graduate teaching assistants. I can very much feel the understanding that we all have for each other. A couple weeks ago I was doing a lot of griping because I was going through a hard time with school and life in general, and at first felt guilty for complaining so much in front of my colleagues because they have things to deal with too. But I came to realize, after their words of empathy and understanding and offers of help, that I had no reason to feel guilty and that because we're all in the same boat, we all can complain to each other without feeling guilty. My confidence has been impacted by grad school as well, and find myself saying what I want to say more often, rather than what I think people want to hear. We are all so different, yet get along so well and clicked from the beginning. It's been probably the most challenging phase of my life, but will also be one of the greatest and most memorable.

Day 16

Post a picture of someone who inspires you...



My fiance inspires me. He inspires me to work hard in grad school. He inspires me to not give up in grad school (all 418 times that I've wanted to). He inspires me to continuously grow to be a better human being. He inspired me, in the past, to let someone love me again and to take a leap of faith and allow myself to love someone in the way that got me hurt before. Actually, to love someone in a much better way than what got me hurt before. He inspires me to love life so much I want to scream. He inspires me to believe in the future and in us.

That is what he does best! :)

Day 15

Post a picture of something you want to do before you die...




Oh how many amazing things I want to do during my lifetime. What I chose for today's photo challenge will probably come as no surprise to those of you who know me well. When I was two or three years old, I went on my first trip to the Rio Grande zoo with my parents and my sister. I don't really have any memories from this trip, but we went over to the giraffe enclosure and got some cracker treats to feed them with. Being very small, my dad had to hold me over the fence to feed the giraffes. There is still a picture at my house of this moment, my first encounter with these magnificent animals and love at first sight! Ever since then, I've loved giraffes so much; you should see my room at my parents' house. My dream is to own a giraffe, but since that isn't very likely, a close second would be to travel to Nairobi, Kenya and stay at this wonderful and charming lodge called Giraffe Manor, surrounded by giraffes who stick their heads through your bedroom windows looking for attention or treats and lounge around the property. I would do anything, ANYTHING to have this experience!

Day 14

Post a picture of someone you cannot live without...



There are many people I cannot live without. But my sister is on my mind the most today because very early this morning, she gave birth to a 5 lb. 6 oz. baby girl, Arwen Louise. I'm sad that I can't be there in Los Alamos, but with all the school work I have to do in the next two weeks, it would be irresponsible. But in two weeks it will be spring break, so I will be able to see my sister, her husband, and my new niece.

Where would I be without my big sister? I wouldn't be who I am today, that's for sure. Sometimes when it seems like no one can say the right thing to me, whether I am going through a difficult time, a good time, or just need some encouragement or reassurance, she gives me just the words I need. I think that sums it up the best.

Love you sister:)