long time ago

Here's a post from my livejournal account which I'm going to delete once I get all the good stuff off of it.
I wrote this my freshman year of college when I was living with my sister:

So my previous entry showed that my current mood was "bouncy". Apparently that is still true, for only five minutes ago I clambered up onto my desk to hang something above it on the wall, and glancing behind me, my bed stood much lower than me as I towered (ok, not really towered, as I'm still short even standing on a desk)over it, looking very inviting to just fall backwards onto it. So I dropped what I was doing, scooted backward until just my toes kept me on the desk, then sprang off and and floated downward. However 'floaty' it seemed, I landed so hard on the mattress that I flew upward again, almost doing a complete somersault, and once again flopped back onto the bed, laughing like a five year old child. My sister came in to see what was so funny, and I convinced her to do it. Same experience for her! I had to do it one more time.
Take note: These are the actions of a 21 and 19-year-old.
It's wonderful to stop being mature sometimes and just let the kid at heart come out and play.

studious me!

One final down, three to go. And one doesn't really count, it's more of a discussion.

And I can't really think of much to say, so here's a list of randomities (I'll post some of these frequently)

Things I don't like:

1. The word "uber"
2. The word "chillaxing"
3. When you're standing in line with someone you're having a conversation, and the person in front of you keeps looking back at you throughout the conversation. Everyone eavesdrops in crowded situations like that, it's kinda impossible not to, but you don't have to let it be known that you are listening!
4. Crumpled up dollar bills
5. When people brag about their drinking (or any other poor choices), like saying, "I threw up, like, five times the morning after!" or "I was so drunk I don't even remember doing that", all with a big smile on their face.
6. When people speak for me, when I'm right there. They don't mean to, but still.
7. When the people living above me stomp around like elephants at 11 pm, 12 am, 5 am, 8 am, 3 pm...well, pretty much throughout the day. I am frequently forced to pound on the ceiling with a wooden plank I have handy and nestled by my bedside.
8.Being picked up without permission. I don't really like being picked up anyway, but there are exceptions. Jake still ignores this. He insists on literally sweeping me off my feet, and I'm not a fan.
9. When people (more like a certain person) rearranges all my things, moves things, puts things away that I don't put away...I don't know if she thinks all my things are eyesores, or just don't coordinate with her things, but I find things put away in random places, like little drawers and filing cabinets (which totally don't go in those places!). PS I didn't ask for this roommate.
10. When teachers grade papers, tests, etc. a little too anally. 20 points for a small formatting error? Really? I write A papers. Seriously. I haven't written anything lower than an A paper since high school until recently.

Farolitos

I really don't like the apartment complex I live in. I could go on about why, but I've done that enough. I do like having my own bathroom, and I like my room. I guess I need to start looking for another apartment when I get back next semester. I can't live here another year.

On a positive note, Jake and I took a break from studying for finals and went to the annual Noche de Luminarias. Many, many luminarias (or farolitos, as my family calls them) are set up on the east side of campus, and inside the student union they serve punch, coffee and cookies. Three horse-drawn carriages gives rides around the path lit up with this Spanish tradition. It's nice to walk around in the cold (well, cold for Las Cruces) weather, comforted by candlelight filtered through paper bags, and forget exams and other worries for just an hour. I'll only post one picture that Jake took, because he used my camera and it isn't nearly as awesomely professional as his, so the pics weren't as artistic as he wanted. But really, the sight was beautiful, especially looking across the pond.

blog posts

Just to let you know.....I didn't write all these blog posts on the same date. I just posted them all yesterday because I somehow screwed up my other one when trying to use a new layout, so I just started over. In case you pay attention to the posting dates, just letting you know that I don't just sit on the computer and blog all day.
:-)

misbehaving

Sometimes I'm way more clever and creative when I'm sleeping. Not even joking! So once in middle school or early high school I was friends with this girl who was really skinny, and I had a dream one night that we were teasing each other, and I said to her, "Yeah, well, you're so small that if someone spit on you, you would drown!" I have no idea how I came up with that, much less when I was asleep. I swear I'd never heard it before.

And then last night, I was unconsciously clever yet again. I dreamed that it was Halloween, and I was having a hard time coming up with a costume. I ended up pouring honey all over my body, and when someone asked me what I was supposed to be, I said, "I'm misbehavin' "...and then in the dream I had to explain it (and to you if you don't get it), that if the word was broken up, I was "Miss Bee Haven"....if you still don't get it, all that honey would be absolute haven for bees. I swear I've never heard that in the conscious world either. I don't know how my subconscious mind comes up with this.

"are you sure you want to delete_____?"

It's funny how a person can get attached to something that she doesn't even need/use anymore. I've been trying to limit my profile/networking sites to blogger and facebook. I just deleted my livejournal account about five minutes ago, which I've had about two years, and it took a while because, upon realizing that I won't be able to read mine or my friends' journals anymore, I went over all of them and re-read many entries for...I don't know, a last look? And for the past several weeks I've been telling myself to delete my myspace account, for several reasons. 1) I rarely use it for contacting people, 2) people rarely contact me on it (if they post a comment, lately it's been the "I'm a superpoke pet, play with me!" and all the other random applications), 3) I use facebook way more, 4) random people I don't even know try to add me (it sometimes happens on FB too, but not as often), 5) the bulletin area annoys me, mostly cuz a certain person posts questionnaire after questionnaire of himself, and the questions are always the same, and 6) basically it's pointless for me to have it now.

However, I can't seem to bring myself to delete it just yet. I keep thinking, "what if someone I'm only friends w/ on myspace and not facebook tries to contact me?" (even though most of the people I'm "friends" w/ on myspace are people I don't even talk to or care to share my life with) or "Now I won't know when my favorite bands are touring!" There are, dear child, other ways! Give out your email address, or FB. As for the bands, erm, go to their websites??? Duh.

Perhaps it's because I opened it when I was a freshman in college, and it brings back memories. But not really. I used to use it a whole lot, so maybe I think I'll have withdrawals. But that's doubtful.

Whatever the reason, I will delete it soon enough. Technology just takes over our personalities.

we'll be together again soon

I realized I love my family very much. I knew that already, but I like realizing it again. Something about going back home to where I grew up helps me put things into perspective, or at least in a different light. Being at school where I can get lonely and grumpy and frazzled kind of mixes up my mind, and when I go home for the holidays, it eases that tension and makes me light-hearted and happier. I think I pray more when I'm home too. I don't know why.

I love each one of them so so so much, all the same. But today I realized that something about leaving my mom behind, no matter how many times I've done so (I should be used to it by now), I still want to cry when I have to say good-bye to her (and I'm even seeing her again in less than two weeks!!). Sometimes I can hold it in, other times I just can't. I think it's because I'm the one who is most like my mom; I can feel myself becoming more and more like her all the time, so I know that the wanting to cry feeling that is inside me is also what she is feeling. And knowing that it hurts her to say goodbye to me just as much as I to her makes it several times harder to leave her than anyone else.

Moreover, sometimes I love someone (or something) so much it hurts. Whether it is an immediate family member, a relative, a significant other, or even an animal, often the thought of them fills me with love and wrenches my heart. It happens with all whom I love.

Moral of the story: I most likely couldn't survive without loved ones.

Home Sweet Home

So the drive really wasn't that bad...it was still incredibly crammed and took a lot of skill and rearranging and problem solving to figure out how to pack everything into Jake's highlander. However, it was done and we made it home without having a nervous breakdown. Chief is a very good car dog, he probably didn't even need the kennel (which would save us a lot of room!).

I love being home. Familiarity, warmth, my family. My sister picked up my bridesmaid dress last weekend, so I got to try it on. Let's just say it'll need lots of altering before her wedding...can we say lack of boobage? Haha... the dress is very pretty though, a halter with a wraparound look to it, and a "honeydew" color. Shanda's wedding dress is gorgeous, just right for her :) And not to brag, but I'm the maid of honor, and I'm really excited about it, but nervous about all the responsibility, plus I have to make a toast! Aaah! I might be a communications major, but still like to avoid public speaking as much as possible. But, it's not until June so I have time to calm down (heh).

It's my third full day back home....I really don't have anything to do! Everyone has school or work, and I don't have either right now, so all I can find to do is homework, which my mind can only focus on for a little bit. After all, I'm on a break, I shouldn't have to do homework! Maybe I'll go hang out in Mom's preschool this afternoon and play with little kids.

Well I'm freezing (Los Alamos is way colder than Cruces!!) so I'm going to go take a hot shower, maybe crawl into the covers again.

Fun day ahead

Spending five + hours in a car with two other people, a large dalmatian, a bird, and three people's luggage to last over a week, on a drive that I am so sick of and I swear takes longer and longer every time I drive it.

Today's going to be funnnnnn.

At least one of those people is Jake :)

On the bright side, I get to see my family and spend a whole week and two days with them!!!

i'm wondering...

Are leaf blowers really necessary? I mean, I personally like the look of fall leaves everywhere, including the road and sidewalk. And if those using leaf blowers think they're cleaning up the area, in reality they are polluting the air a little more than before, and causing really awful loud noise for everyone to hear while walking and in their classrooms. Honestly, I applaud the maintenance on campus because they generally do a very good job at keeping the campus looking nice by watering, trimming, regularly changing out the garbage, but leaf blowers as a necessity for the beauty of the university? I think not.

Well, I suppose someone could trip over a leaf...

hobbies

My hobby right now is candle making. Gel candles, to be exact. They're pretty easy to make and very pretty in the end. However, I'm still trying to become good at it, such as conquering the bubbles that form. They look pretty for some candles, like plain ones and ocean scenes, but sometimes they take away from the objects I embed. I've tried some of the suggested techniques for limiting the bubble formations, but I suppose practicing over and over will help with that.

I was doing latch hook before I decided to try candles. The one I finished (erm... the only one I've ever done) was a cat in a basket of yarn balls. I got it in middle school I think and just finished it, because I kept storing it in my closet and forgetting about it. So now I'm in college and too old for a kitty rug, so I gave it to my sister who is a teacher, and when we figure out how to mend the edges appropriately, she's going to put it in her classroom!

I want to do another latch hook, but not such a big one. I'll probably get one of the kits for a foot-by-foot wall hanging latch hook.

Seashell candle

Red w/ marbles at bottom

Blue w/ floating marbles

This is what humanity is coming to

Today I was browsing at the bookstore sale, and saw something I can't get over.

Battery-operated erasers.

Seriously? Seriously.
The package said something like "Easy to use" "Won't smudge your paper"...etc.
Is it really that difficult to move your wrist a little bit to erase something?

Is this what business entrepreneurs spend their money on?
I just stared at the invention, stunned for a while.

I could just imagine, taking a test in a silent classroom, and all of a sudden there is a buzzing sound. Everyone will look around, thinking a cell phone is vibrating. Oh, don't worry. Someone is just erasing.

I'll stick with my Pink Pearls, thank you

neighborhood

This was written during Christmas break of 06, inspired by a walk I took around my street at night, when the streets were buried in snow and the Christmas lights were twinkling.


Never noticed how much I missed my home until I came back. Not just the house I grew up in, but the streets, town, familiarity.

Never noticed how I love snow so until my snowboots left prints in it again.
I walked out to get rid of energy, but came back inside with a brand new energy. A rekindled spirit.

Dark, except for Christmas lights glowing on the houses everywhere, dazzling the night and the snow. Take a few steps, walk a few minutes, then stop. Freeze. Listen to what? Nothing.

Silence and peace overwhelmed me when I shut my eyes and didn't move. Missing the peacefulness of this little town.

Since the last snowfall, no one had walked on these sidewalks yet except for me. My tracks were the first on the fresh powder. A few here and there along driveways, probably from shoveling.

Walk a few more seconds, the sound of my boots crunching in the snow almost seemed to be a sin, breaking the sacred silence. Then stop again, and listen. Listen to silence. Repeat this over and over.

Occasionally a plane is heard overhead, or a neighbor's furnace, nothing more. No cars drive by. The more I moved along the silent streets, the more beautiful the snow glowed in the darkness.

Stop and listen. Walk a little. Stop, listen, walk. Again, again, again.
Always keep moving forward, but stop and listen to the silence around. Take time to soak in the peace, breathe deeply the air around. Shut your eyes in the beauty and feel nothing, or everything.

Take time to notice the small interruptions that shatter and break the silence and peace. And then, when your heart is at ease and gracious for the spirit gained, move forward again, until your heart needs another break, another breath of life.

Mr. Fix it

Two nights ago I was opening a dresser drawer and it broke so that whenever I would open it just a little, it would fall out. I was upset and thought I was doomed because the dresser is the grove's property and they probably wouldn't fix it or replace it or they'd make me pay since it was my fault, and it would be annoying to have to hold up the drawer every time I opened it. I thought it wasn't fixable.

Then Jake came over last night and I told him my sad story. He pulled out the drawer, took one look at it, slid it back in and moved it around a little, and it was fixed.

Sigh.

lyrics

Artist: Snow Patrol
Album: A Hundred Million Suns
Song: The Lightning Strike (Part III: Daybreak)

Slowly the day breaks apart in our hands
And soft hallelujahs flow in from the church
The one on the corner you said frightened you
It was too dark and too large to find your soul in

Something was bound to go right sometime today
All these broken pieces fit together to make a perfect picture of us
It got cold and then dark so suddenly and rained
It rained so hard the two of us were the only thing
That we could see for miles and miles

And in the middle of the flood I felt my worth
When you held onto me like I was your little life raft
Please know that you were mine as well
Drops of water hit the ground like God's own tears
And spread out into shapes like
Salad bowls and basins and buckets for bailing out the flood

As motionless cars rust on driveways and curbs
You take off your raincoat and stretch out your arms
We both laugh out loud and surrender to it
The sheer force of sky and the cold magnet Earth

Something was bound to go right sometime today
All these broken pieces fit together to make a perfect picture of us
It got cold and then dark so suddenly and rained
It rained so hard the two of us were the only thing
That we could see for miles and miles

And in the middle of the flood I felt my worth
When you held onto me like I was your little life raft
Please know that you were mine as well
Drops of water hit the ground like God's own tears
And spread out into shapes like
Salad bowls and basins and buckets for bailing out the flood


I so love Snow Patrol lyrics.

i'm supposed to be studying...

But here are some places I would like to try living sometime (I grew up in Los Alamos, and the weather and atmosphere is perfect...nice summers that aren't excruciating, and beautiful, cool autumn, and winters that actually get significant amounts of snow)

Maine - I would like to experience living near the ocean...not so tropical, but it would be fun to have a house within a short walking distance to the rocky shores

Massachusetts - Who wouldn't want to live here? I have seen my friends' pics from being at UMass, and I get jealous each time. Beautiful fall colors.

Vermont - Again, beautiful fall colors. I have lived in Los Alamos my whole life, where the mountains are mostly Aspens and Conifer trees. Which is lovely also, but I would like to experience the mountains and wilderness where the trees are all...leafy...?? Nice summers and winters that actually count as winters.

New Hampshire - same reason as VT

Hawaii - Yes, I know, I said I love winter and wouldn't want to live in summer all the time. But I wouldn't mind living here temporarily. Maybe for business or something. A year or less. But I do need my snow.

Alaska - opposite extreme of Hawaii. The fresh wilderness and bitter cold. Salmon fishing. Whale watching anytime I want to. Medium-sized towns. I would want a cabin by a lake or shore. Maybe a bear or moose would occasionally stop by.

Canada - Not sure exactly where. Then I could say I've lived in another country.