post from almost two years ago

I frequently find myself dwelling on things that could have been.
I think we all tend to do that every so often. I believe that when something becomes part of our everyday lives, and we somehow depend on it after a while and just assume that once we need it we can just turn around and it will be there to encourage us and give us just a little faith to keep going, and then suddenly it's not there. We turn around and wonder, Uh, where did it go? How can I go on now? And then this change, even if it is so slight, causes us to worry and makes us afraid, afraid of what is going to happen or what did happen to make it disappear. Sometimes it's only gone for a while, in which case the worry turns to relief when you hear its voice again, and think, Oh good, back to normal. Please don't ever do that to me again. But I often wonder how much of this anxiety is false, and how much is actually intuitive and may prove true later on, then the questioning of moving on begin to flow.